INO: 'Tis the Season
by niklovr
Summary: Sequel to "It's Not Over" which can be found on my webpage. This is an Emily/Nikolas story as well as a Tommy/Dawn story. It pic


Title: 'Tis the Season

Author: niklovr

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: Emily, Nikolas and Tommy belong to ABC. Dawn is ALL mine and cannot be used without my permission.

Summary: Sequel to "It's Not Over" which can be found on my webpage. This is an Emily/Nikolas story as well as a Tommy/Dawn story. It picks up where "It's Not Over" ended and brings them all full circle.

I love feedback, so if you read it, drop me a line. I'd love to hear from you.

INO: 'Tis the Season

** 1 **

Soft, white glistening snow fell from the sky. The cold ivory blanket covered Port Charles in splendor, leaving its residents breathless. In delight that only came once a year, children built snowmen, teenagers threw snowballs, and lovers made promises. In the cottage that Nikolas Cassadine shared with his wife, Emily, he was consumed with the flipside of the holidays—tension and anxiety. Their first Christmas back in Port Charles should have been a dream, but instead, it felt more like a nightmare. Misunderstandings had erected a wall between them and try as each of them might, they couldn't break the wall down. 

Footsteps and a closing door advised Nikolas that his wife had come home. He held his breath as her footsteps paused outside his closed office door. He almost called out to her, but in that last second, the clack of her heels told him that she had already moved away. "Oh, Em," he murmured, falling down into his leather office chair. He twirled his wedding band around on his finger. "What are we doing to each other?"

The shrill ringing of the telephone prevented Nikolas from pondering his marriage any further. He turned his inner musings off and reached for the telephone. "Cassadine," he said into the telephone.

"You say that like you're the only one," said a soft and clear voice. 

"And, your point is? Are you telling me that I'm selfish and the world revolves around only me?" he asked with a trace of laughter in his voice. "Is that it, Dawn? Am I selfish?"

A deep sigh preceded her voice that held a small amount of resignation. "No, I would never say that. You're not selfish. Not at all."

Sadness and despair colored her voice and surrounded Nikolas in a dark shroud. He was certain that he would always feel her joys and her sorrows. Theirs was a bond that often went misunderstood and could never be ignored. He glanced briefly at a framed photo of Emily before he turned his attention back to his sister. "Sweetheart, what's wrong?"

"What makes you say that?" she asked in voice that was soft and tight with tension. "I'm not a complete basketcase, you know."

"I would never think that you were," he answered, honestly. "How's Tommy?"

"Fine."

Curtness. He fought the temptation to call her on her tone and decided on another tactic. "Are you coming home for Christmas?"

"Who?"

"Dawn," he said, warning her with his tone. "Are you and Tommy coming to Port Charles for Christmas?"

"You don't have to speak to me as if I'm daft. I'm a doctor! At John Hopkins, no less. I can..." She drew a long breath and started again. "I'm sorry, Nikolas."

"Talk to me," he warmly suggested. "Tell me what's wrong."

"So that you can fix it?" she asked him quietly.   


"So that I can help," he replied. "We've spoken almost nightly since Em and I came back. I know that something is wrong, but you won't tell me what it is. I wish that you would trust me-"

"I do trust you!" she interjected. "I just... I'm just..."

"You're what?" he gently pressed. "Are you and Tommy okay?"

"I don't know what we are," she mumbled. 

"Explain please," he said, rising from his chair. He moved around his office with slow, measured steps. In the darkened room, his tall, muscular frame cast lanky shadows on the wall. The shapes and forms were ignored as he grabbed a photo album from his shelf. He sat down in a nearby chair and began to leaf through the pages, looking at the timeless images of family and friends. "Dawn, I'm waiting."

"He wants me to set a date."

Nikolas' fingers paused as he came to photo of him and her. He turned the page and saw another photo of her and Tommy. Smiles were on both of their faces, but in her eyes, he could see the pain that she seemed to be unable to escape. "And, what did you tell him? Will Father and I finally be able to give you away?"

"I haven't given him one," she admitted. 

"Why not?" he questioned her. "He loves you. I wouldn't have given him my seal of approval otherwise. Don't you love him, too?"

"Of course, I do!" she said, clearly agitated. "Listen, Nikolas... Um, let's just forget I called, okay? Give Em my love and tell everyone that I love them and wish them a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Bye."

"Dawn!" he called out to her, but it was too late. The only response was the hum of the dial tone. Cold and distant. The annoying noise reminded Nikolas of his sister and he slowly set the phone on the nearest table. In their recent conversations, he sensed that she needed him or someone or something. He tried to draw it from her, but with each attempt, she seemed more closed off. More cold and distant. 

He couldn't live with himself, knowing that she hurt. He began to move. If he couldn't find the answers to reach his wife, maybe he'd find something to reach his sister. Either way, he had to do something. 

~*~

Stupid!

Staring at the telephone, Dawn resisted the urge to just kick it away from her. She couldn't believe how close she had come to breaking down to Nikolas. He wasn't her rock any more, she reminded herself. He was her brother with a wife who needed him. She couldn't keep turning to him whenever she was in pain. She had someone of her own that she could turn to...even if she was too afraid to let him in.

She grabbed the telephone and set it on the wooden end table. On her knees, she crawled to the small Christmas tree that stood regal and beautiful in the corner of the condo's living room. She reached for the cord and plugged it in. The tree's beautiful white lights shone brilliantly, causing her to stare in wonder at its beauty. Moving into a sitting position on the floor, she drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs. She was still in that position when the front door creaked open behind her.

Dawn's back stiffened as his footsteps brought him inside the living room. She couldn't explain her reaction, even to herself. She hoped that he hadn't noticed, but upon his sharp intake of breath, she knew that he had. She slowly turned around to face him. "Hi."

"Hi," Tommy responded, his green eyes dark and unreadable. 

"I added lights," Dawn said, gesturing towards the tree as she stood up. 

"Looks good," he said. He only glanced at the tree for a second before he rested his gaze on her again. "Dawn, I-"

"Beth made an extra fruitcake," she said, speaking hurriedly. "I told her that we wouldn't eat it, but she made me take it anyway. It's in the-"

"Dawn," he said as he followed her down the hall and into the kitchen, "can we talk for a minute?"

"Sure," she shrugged. She removed the fruitcake from its container and flipped it onto a plate. She began to slice it haphazardly, not really paying attention to the sizes of the slices.

"What are you doing?"

"I thought you'd like a slice," she said. 

"No, I wouldn't. Would you mind?" he asked, covering her hands with his own. He took the knife and set it on the counter top. He pushed the cake to the furthest end of the counter away from them. "We need to talk without distractions. Okay?"

"Sure." The word was released in a flippant tone. She hadn't intended to sound so childish, but it just slipped out. Instead of a sharp intake of breath, Tommy responded with silence. When the silence began to roar in her ears, she moved towards the swinging doors with her mind on escape.

"What are you doing for Christmas?" he asked, stopping her as she placed her hands on the door. 

"What do you mean?" she asked, turning to look at him. "What do you think I'm doing?"

"I'm not quite sure any more," he replied. His eyes bored into hers as if he were searching for answers. "You didn't want to decorate before, but I come home tonight and the entire place is lit up. Our families want us to spend Christmas with them and you're giving them the run around. What gives? What are your plans?"

"My plans?" she repeated. "I don't have any plans."

"I see," Tommy murmured. He nodded once and then brushed past her out of the kitchen. 

The door swung back towards her and she stopped it with the palm of her hand. His actions left her stunned and a little frightened. She ran down the hall to follow him inside their bedroom. 

She stood in the doorway, her brown eyes suddenly wet with tears. Her eyes remained on him as he moved about the room, collecting clothes and toiletries and placing them inside a duffel bag. "Wh-what are you doing?"

He waited until he had stuffed his socks and underwear inside the bag before he answered her. Pulling the shoulder strap on, he said, "I'm going home for Christmas."

He moved past her again and left the bedroom. Dawn watched, becoming more stunned and frightened by the second. When she heard a door open and close, she moved into action and out of the room.

"Tommy!" she called just as he shrugged into his heavy wool overcoat. "You're going to Port Charles?"

"Yes."

"For Christmas?" she asked, her expression forlorn and confused.

He nodded. "For Christmas and maybe for New Year's, too. I'm not sure, yet."

"Wh-why?" she asked, wrapping her arms around herself. "Because I haven't set a date? Tommy, be fair. You know how grueling my schedule is. To set a date now... Our wedding shouldn't be rushed-"

"Is that what I'm doing?" he asked, watching her closely. "Am I rushing you? I apologize for being anxious to be your husband, to sharing my life with you."

"We already share our lives," she answered. "What does a ceremony have to do with anything?"

"Everything," he said, exasperated. "The ceremony means everything. We stand before God, our families and everyone. We make vows to be together forever...to love each other forever."

"B-but you know that I love you. Why can't-"

"I wonder, Dawn," he said, unintentionally cutting her off. 

"What?" she asked, slowly.

"If you love me," he said quietly. "I come near you and you shy away. I can't remember the last time we made love. Can you?"

"Tommy, please."

"Oh, yeah, I forgot. Your grueling schedule doesn't give you a moment to make love with me." Rubbing his hands across his face, he released a ragged sigh. "I can't do this much longer, Sweetheart. I love you and I would give my life for you, but I can't stay with you and watch you punish yourself. I'll be at my mom's. You have the number."

He pulled her into a quick embrace and placed a hard kiss on her cheek. "Merry Christmas," he mumbled before he walked out of the front door and closed it behind him.

Dawn stumbled to the door. Her hand closed over the doorknob as she sank to the floor. She stayed there as silent sobs shook her.

~*~

"Nikolas? What's going on?" Emily asked as she stood in their bedroom doorway. She watched as he zipped up his overnight case and pulled the strap over his shoulder. "Where are you going?"

"To Baltimore-"

"To see Dawn?" she asked, knowing the answer before he even nodded his head. "Why?"

"She needs me," he responded quietly and with purpose.

"She doesn't need you," Emily told him. "She has Tommy."

Nikolas sighed deeply as he shook his head. "Let's not do this now, okay?"

"Can you think of a more appropriate time? Let's see my birthday has come and past... I know, you can run out on me on our anniversary!"

"I'm not running out on you!" he cried. "I'm coming back!"

"When?" she asked, stopping him as he brushed past her. "Christmas will be here before you can blink an eye. Will you be spending it with me or with her?"

"'With her?'" he repeated, using the same tone that she had used. "She's my sister, Em. She's hurting and she needs someone."

"She was your lover-"

"Was is the word you should remember. You know that there's nothing more between us. Why can't you understand that?" he asked.

"Why you can't you understand that I need you, too? Dammit, I'm your wife!" she exclaimed, shaking with emotion. "When will I matter to you?"

"My God, Em!" he said, staring at her. "You always matter to me."

"Well, why are you leaving me alone to be with...your sister?" she said with emphasis. "It's Christmas. We came back here to share Christmas with our entire family and not just with her."

Nikolas drew a long breath. "I'm not leaving you alone for very long. I'll be back before Christmas. We will share Christmas together," he said softly.

"So, why leave? Let Tommy help her. Don't interfere with their relationship," she pleaded.

"I'm not interfering," he explained. "I want her to be with Tommy. I think Tommy's great for her and she for him, but Emily... I wish I could explain this to you. Dawn has changed since the miscarriage, and holidays, especially Christmas are torture for her-"

"Then let Tommy help her!" she repeated.

"He can't!" Nikolas cried. 

"Because you won't let him," she murmured as she slipped past him and moved inside the bedroom. She took her silver plated brush from her vanity table and began to vigorously brush her long, chestnut brown hair. With her back to him, she moved around the room, brushing her hair.

"That's not true," Nikolas said from the doorway. "I'll be home for Christmas... Emily, I love you."

"I love you, too," she whispered long after he had left the doorway and had driven away. 

** 2 **

A couple of hours of driving on rain slick Interstate 95 began to wear on Tommy. His heart was still in the condo in Baltimore while his mind was fighting hard to get him to Port Charles safely and in one piece. Something had to give and something did as he turned off on the next exit to refuel.

His Candy Apple Red Mustang slowed to a stop at the gas station which also housed a Mom-and-Pop restaurant. After gassing up his trusty wheels, Tommy parked the car on the far side of the building and then strode inside.

The small restaurant warmed him immediately. He took off his coat and stuck it underneath his arm as he sauntered toward one of the empty booths. As soon as he sat down, a waitress came over and gave him a menu. She set down a cup of steaming black coffee before she left him to review the restaurant's selections. 

Mindlessly, Tommy loaded the coffee with sugar and cream. His eyes wandered over the menu before he decided on steak and eggs. As if cosmically tuned into him, the waitress returned, took his order and promised him that his dinner would only take a second. Tommy offered her a tight smile in reply.

As the woman walked away, he turned away to look at the sleet that was beginning to come down. He paid the sleet only minimal attention as he thought about the woman he had left behind. 

Something was off between them. They had shared seven magical years together and now, there were times when he wasn't even sure if he knew her. A few weeks before after returning from Nikolas and Emily's wedding in Greece, she had begun to pull away from him. The daily long walks on the island and the even longer nights of making love were soon forgotten as the weeks had turned into months. He didn't understand it and he continually wracked his brain, wondering if he had done something wrong.

__

I love you, she had said. But did she really mean it? Or was he just someone to share a condo with because she didn't want to be alone? He felt half ashamed for pondering the questions, but he couldn't ignore that something was wrong. Maybe she had never loved him in the first place. Maybe he was just a substitute for the man who was now her brother. 

But after seven long years? 

He shook his head. No, that couldn't be it. There had to be something more. Something that he couldn't see...but what?

"Tommy?"

Startled, Tommy jumped. He hadn't felt another presence and he certainly wasn't expecting to see the man before him. With a confused frown, he said, "Nikolas."

"What are you doing out here?" Nikolas asked, sliding into the booth opposite Tommy. He glanced around the restaurant, searching. "Is Dawn with you?" he asked as he turned his eyes back to the younger man.

Tommy shook his head. "No. I'm alone. And, Emily? Is she with you?"

"I'm alone, too." 

The waitress prevented the men from conversing further when she returned with Tommy's dinner. She set the plate down in front of him and then turned to Nikolas. She handed him a menu and left the two men alone to resume their conversation.

Upon Nikolas' arrival, Tommy's appetite left him. He pushed the plate to the side and looked at his unexpected dinner companion. Their relationship wasn't picture perfect, but both men made the best of it. As long as they forgot that the women in their lives had given herself to the other man first, they were fine. But every once and a while, something would slip. Already, the wheels in Tommy's mind were turning. Was Nikolas on Interstate 95 because of Dawn? Had he been so quickly replaced? 

Frowning, he asked, "Where are you going?"

"I was about to ask you the same thing," Nikolas countered, bristling slightly. 

"Excuse me?" Tommy asked, defensive. "I'm going home."

"For Christmas?" Nikolas asked. "And without Dawn? How could you leave her alone?"

"Well, it doesn't seem like she'll be alone for long, does it?" Tommy asked. His breathing became labored as he fought for control. He didn't want to fight, but seeing Nikolas reminded him just how far apart he and Dawn had become. He couldn't help but wonder if Nikolas was the cause.

"If you're insinuating that I'm going to her, then you can stop. Yes, I am going to her-"

"Why?" Tommy interrupted. "Did she call you? Is that why you're going?"

"We spoke briefly before she hung up on me. She doesn't know that I'm coming." Nikolas smiled at the waitress as she returned with a cup for him and a pot of coffee for both of them. He shook his head in regards to dinner and handed the menu back to her. After she had departed, he slowly began to prepare his coffee.

"She hung up on you?" Tommy repeated quietly. "So, why are you going to Baltimore?"

"Yes, she hung up on me. Can you imagine?" Nikolas asked, a slight attempt at humor. He shrugged. "I'm going because she needs me, and I can't turn my back on her."

"I'm not turning my back on her!" Tommy whispered, immediately furious. 

"I didn't say that you were," Nikolas calmly responded, even as his tone suggested otherwise. "I'm sure that Dawn will enjoy spending Christmas all alone."

"Listen, Cassadine," Tommy bit out, "you have no idea about our relationship. Your interference isn't needed or appreciated."

The men locked eyes, tension radiated from each of them. After seconds of silence, Nikolas looked away first. His eyes stared into the murky depths of his coffee as he offered a sincere apology. "I'm sorry. I'm not trying to interfere...that's what Em said. She accused me of interfering in your relationship, but I swear to you that's not what I'm doing. I'm happy that Dawn has you. I wish that she would open up to you, but seeing you here without her... Well, it seems that she's pushed you away as fiercely as she's tried to push me away, too."

"Well, at least she talks to you," Tommy spoke softly as he silently accepted Nikolas' apology. "I hear her on the phone with you sometimes. She laughs and responds. That's a lot more than what she does with me."

"She's faking," Nikolas admitted. "She's probably being more honest with you than she has with me."

"Damn," Tommy mumbled, releasing a sigh as he thought of their conversations. "I don't know what happened. So, she hasn't confided in you?"

Nikolas took a sip of the coffee. As he set the cup back down onto the saucer, he shook his head. "Not a word. I've tried to ask her if things between you are okay and that's when she clams up."

"Well, that's just great."

"I'm not trying to say that any of this is your fault," Nikolas quickly added. 

Tommy shook his head. "I'm obviously not helping matters any. We were so close to setting a date and then we weren't. She says that we don't need a ceremony, but I think she's lying. After seven years, either she wants to be married to me or not..."

"You gave her an ultimatum?" Nikolas questioned.

"Me?" Tommy pointed to himself. "Man, I'm too much of a coward for that. What if she walked?"

"But isn't that what you did? You left her alone. Maybe she thinks...that it's over."

"It's not over," Tommy said, his green eyes shining like emeralds. "It will never be over for me."

Nikolas smiled. "I think you should let her know that."

"I think I will," Tommy said with a smile. "And, what about you? How are things with you and Emily?"

He took a slight pause before answering. "Things could be better. On Greece, life was idyllic. Port Charles changed things. We're adjusting."

"Excuse me for butting in, but Emily seems to think otherwise," Tommy advised.

"Excuse me?" Nikolas said, a dark scowl on his face. "What has she said to you?"

"She hasn't said too much, but I know that she's not happy. If I know her, I'm sure she wasn't happy that you decided in favor of spending Christmas with Dawn instead of her."

Nikolas ran his hand through his hair in frustration. "She doesn't understand. I tried to explain that Dawn needed me-"

"And, Emily's needs?" Tommy asked not unkindly. "She needs you, too."

"I know that," Nikolas told him. "But Dawn... I couldn't just turn away when she's hurting."

"Because you're hurting, too?" Tommy guessed. His eyes bore into Nikolas' dark brown eyes, refusing to allow the other man to push aside the truth.

"She'd be seven years old. Even though she was never born, I still miss her. I still think about her...what kind of little girl she'd be. How I'd measure up as a f-father..." Nikolas stopped speaking as his voice became hoarse and tears clouded his eyes. 

"I'm sorry," Tommy said quietly. "Have you ever spoken with Emily about this?"

With sadness, Nikolas shook his head. "Not like this. She thinks that time has made it easier, and it has... But Christmas... Christmas is for children, you know."

"I know." Tommy signaled to the waitress for the check. He pulled out a handful of bills from his wallet and had the money ready for her when she came over. She promptly made her exit and Tommy turned back to Nikolas. "I think that Emily and I are suffering from not being given enough credit. We were there with you both and for you both. Neither of us can ever claim to feel your loss, but we can share it. Don't shut Emily out. Trying to save Dawn while ignoring yourself won't do anyone any good least of all you. Go back to your wife, man. Spend Christmas with her."

"Now, that's sage advice from such a young man," Nikolas said with a faint smile. "I think I'll take it."

"Hey, I was only giving as good as I got," Tommy comment with a smile. 

Within minutes, the two men had said their good-byes and had turned back in the direction that had come.

~*~

Emily paced across the floor as if she were a caged panther. The beautiful white walls of the cottage pushed against her, locking her in even more. The move back to Port Charles was supposed to bring them closer to their families, not drive them apart. Their marriage was perfect. How could it fall apart so quickly?

She searched deep within herself to find an answer, but none was forthcoming. Her career couldn't be a factor. Her responsibilities with Free Spirit had never interfered with her relationship with Nikolas. He knew that she could never be an idle woman. Free Spirit kept her alive and strengthened her. Nikolas claimed that he loved watching her work, so she knew that couldn't be it.

Sure, she spent a great deal of time with her nephews, Michael and Bradley. And, she couldn't spend time with them without adding Ned's girls, Brook Lynn and Jolie into the mix. Nikolas' younger siblings, Cassandra and Erik were sure to be underfoot, too. She'd seen him watching her with them. He seemed pleased. She doubted that he would fault her spending time with children. He loved them as much as she did!

Then what? She questioned herself. 

Or maybe who?

She paused in her pacing to take a long hard look at the telephone. Every night, she lost a little bit more of him as he pressed the receiver to his ear and responded to Dawn's every word. He said that his love affair with Dawn was over, and that she was his sister now. Should she believe him or would believing him make her a fool? 

As if mocking her indecision, the telephone rang. Hoping to hear Nikolas' warm voice on the other end, she quickly answered. "Nikolas!" she said breathlessly.

"No, Emily. It's Dawn."

"Yes," she responded rather coldly. 

"Um... How are you doing?" the older woman asked, clearly taken aback.

"Fine. No, actually, I'm feeling rotten. My husband isn't here because he's gone off to be with you," Emily told her.

"What?" Dawn questioned. "That can't be right. He didn't tell me that he was coming down."

"Well, he is," Emily quickly said. "He's off to make sure that you have a merry Christmas."

"Emily," Dawn began, "I didn't ask Nikolas to come to me. I didn't even know... Why is he coming?"

"Because you need him, of course," Emily said. Tears welled in her eyes as she thought of waking up alone on her first Christmas as Mrs. Nikolas Cassadine. "It must be something to know that you have someone who will drop everything to run to your side."

"I never asked him to come," Dawn said quietly. "He should be with you on Christmas-"

"You're exactly right!" Emily interrupted. "He should be with his wife."

"I'll make sure that he goes right back home-"

"And, that will only make him stay with you longer," Emily said, brushing away the tears that were falling down her cheeks. "The more you push him away, the stronger his need is to save you."

A long pause caused silence to echo on the telephone wires. Then, Dawn spoke slowly and clearly. "Nikolas isn't my savior."

"Right," Emily said with sarcasm. "Sure he isn't."

"Emily, plea-"

"Wish my husband a Merry Christmas when you see him." Emily quickly slammed down the telephone before Dawn could respond. Her hands visibly shook. She clasped them together as she tried to calm herself. The effort was fruitless. She gave up and slumped down onto the sofa, surrendering to a stream of tears.

** 3 **

Her savior? Did she need a savior?

The short conversation with Emily played over and over in Dawn's mind. Emily was distressed and angry, and she had every right to be. Nikolas had left his wife to be with Dawn...because obviously she needed saving. The very idea filled Dawn with so much sadness that she had to flee the condo from fear of suffocating from the desolation. 

The December streets of Baltimore were quiet. The lone woman walking alone went unnoticed as she trudged down the sidewalk. Dawn's footsteps took her far from her home. She seemed to move aimlessly, without purpose, but soon her destination came into view.

Dawn moved across the icy bridge with measured steps. She didn't slip or lose her balance once. In time, she reached the bridge's railing. Her hands clutched the railing as her large, brown eyes gazed down into the choppy, dark blue water.

A savior, Em had called him. And, what was a savior, Dawn asked herself. That was simple. A savior was someone who saved. Was that who she had become, she wondered? Someone who needed saving? 

Her hands left the railing as she wrapped them around herself. She had never wanted to be a needy, clingy woman. She had always abhorred those types. She was a woman who was strong...who can handle anything. Well, almost anything. 

Involuntarily, her hands moved down towards her abdomen. She thought she had faced the miscarriage. She wanted to move past it, but there were times when that night would flash before her eyes and she'd feel the pain of it all over again. The goodbye ceremony in Greece was supposed to help dammit! Why didn't it? She tearfully asked herself. 

Her savior. Maybe that's what the nightly phone calls to Nikolas were truly about. She couldn't admit it to herself at the time, but maybe she was calling Nikolas to save her from the pain. But he couldn't. It still hurt.

"Maybe it's time I saved myself." Dawn placed her well-worn boot on the railing's bottom rung. Grasping the railing with her hands, she moved to pull herself over.

"Wait!"

Dawn stiffened at the sound of the light, feminine voice. She came there to be alone. To end the misery. To set Tommy free so that he could love someone who didn't hurt him all the time. She didn't come there to wait! Without looking back, she placed her other foot on the railing.

"Stop!" the voice called again, much closer this time. "You mustn't! Please. It's Christmas."

"Go away," Dawn hoarsely whispered. "Just turn around and walk away. This doesn't concern you."

"Please, don't," the girl begged. She placed her hands on Dawn's arms, holding on so tightly that Dawn couldn't move.

"What-" Dawn's tirade faded as she looked down into the girl's face. The starry sky and brilliant moonlight shone brightly upon the girl's face. Dawn guessed that the girl was much younger, possibly a teenager. Her brown eyes appeared huge as they stared at her. Tears began to form and Dawn couldn't bear the sight. She slowly lowered herself down from the railing. "You shouldn't do things like that. You don't even know me."

The girl looked away at Dawn's words. She was silent for several moments as if she were gathering her thoughts. When she looked at Dawn again, her eyes were clear and wise behind her seeming years. "I know that you have a lot to live for...too much to live for."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Dawn said turning away from her. She moved further down the bridge away from the girl until her voice called out to her again.

"I know that you were going to jump. You were planning to throw everything away."

Dawn didn't know how to respond. The girl spoke the truth. If the kid hadn't happened along, she would have jumped. But the girl saved her! Dammit! Another savior.

"Why would you do something like that?" the girl asked, walking effortlessly across the bridge to join Dawn. 

"You wouldn't understand," Dawn murmured almost to herself. "I doubt if anyone would."

"Someone could if you gave them a chance," the girl advised.

Dawn gave her a long hard look. "You seem to know a lot for someone so young. What are you doing out here alone at this time of night? Do your parents know where you are?"

"I like to take walks at night. It helps me think. My parents know...where I am," the girl softly replied.

Dawn wasn't sure whether to believe the kid or not. She glanced at the young girl again and then said, "Maybe I should walk you home just in case."

"Okay!" 

The smile on young girl's face gleamed as brightly as the stars. Dawn felt drawn to the girl, and for once, she didn't question herself why. "Which way?" 

"Back this way," the girl replied, pointing backwards. "I don't live too far. Just a few streets over. Thanks for walking with me."

"Don't mention it," Dawn mumbled. The pair walked in silence until the bridge was far behind them. Dawn glanced down at the girl and nearly laughed aloud at how happily the child seemed to move. With a tentative smile, she said, "I'm Dawn."

"Hi," the girl said, smiling warmly. "My friends call me Mena."

"That's a very nice name."

"Thank you," Mena responded with an even larger smile. "May I ask you something?"

Inwardly, Dawn groaned, but she nodded her head all the same. "Shoot."

"Why would you... Does it hurt that bad?"

"Yeah," Dawn said, her throat tight. "Sometimes, it hurts even worse than that."

"Why?" Mena asked. "What happened?"

"Mena..." Dawn hedged. "You're too young for tales such as mine."

"Well, I wasn't too young to get you off the railing, was I?" Mena asked. "I look young, but I have an old soul."

Dawn laughed softly unable to stop herself. "Oh, do you? Okay," she said, her tone serious, "I...um... I don't really know where to start."

"You can start anywhere. The beginning...the middle... I can keep up," Mena said.

Dawn drew in a long breath. "You make that one sound so easy," she murmured. "I have a brother who thinks I constantly needs saving; a sister-in-law who clearly hates me; and a fiancé who thinks that I don't love him."

"And that's why you were gonna jump?!" Mena exclaimed in disbelief.

"No, " Dawn replied softly. "I have a baby that I lost. I never got to hold her or tell her that I love her. I didn't even know that she existed until after I had lost her."

"And she was why you were gonna jump?" Mena asked, her voice much softer.

"Part of the reason," Dawn admitted. "You're young and this may be hard for you to understand... Losing a child isn't something I would wish on even my worst enemy. It's the hardest, most painful thing to...live through. It feels like there's a huge, empty hole inside of me that can never be filled..."

Dawn grew quiet, and Mena remained silent as well. They continued to walk down the quiet Baltimore streets. The night was cold with the smell of more rain in the air. Their breaths were marked with small, tiny puffs. Their footsteps were soft and quiet. For a time, neither spoke. Both appeared lost in their own thoughts.

Mena's brown eyes rested on Dawn's silent frame from time to time. The older woman could feel the girl's glances. At one point, Dawn turned her head and the two made eye contact. In that moment, a sense of familiarity swept over Dawn and overwhelmed her. She paused on the sidewalk and placed her hand on Mena's arm to stop her from moving any further.

"Do I know you?" Dawn asked.

Mena swallowed hard before answering. The question appeared to be a difficult one for her. She looked deeply into Dawn's eyes as she countered her with a question of her own. "Do you think your little girl would have wanted you to...jump?"

"Mena." Dawn drew a deep breath. "That's not something I can answer. Now, tell me do I know you. Have we met somewhere before? You seem familiar to me."

Looking away, the young girl shook her head. "We've never met." Then, quietly she added, "But you do know me..."

"How-"

Mena turned her head. Her gaze was unwavering and unrelenting as she looked into Dawn's eyes again. Gently, she grasped Dawn's upper arms as she said, "I didn't want you to jump. You have too much to live for-"

"Mena, you're a kid and-"

Dawn would have pulled away, but Mena's grip remained firm. "So many people love you. Your parents love you. Your sisters and brothers...Michael and Bradley...Jolie... Emily's angry but she does care about you, too. She'd always blame herself if you had jumped. Do you want that? She and Nikolas wouldn't survive it. Two people who love each other very much would grow to hate one another... They would split up. And, Tommy... he loves you so much. He knows that you shouldn't keep punishing yourself for something that wasn't your fault. He wants you to see that life can be filled with joy and not just sorrow. He only wants to make you happy. That's all he's ever wanted. If you throw it all away now, he would be the most lost one of all. Please, listen to me! I don't want you to jump!"

Frightened, Dawn wrenched her arm away and stepped back. "Who are you? How do you know so much about me?"Mena closed the space between them with a single step. She placed her smooth, soft hands against Dawn's freezing cold cheeks. Her brown eyes stared deeply into eyes that were so like her own. "Look at me. See me. I'm Philomena."Tears sprang to Dawn's eyes. Violently, she shook her head. "No, no, no. You can't be…""But, I am," the girl whispered. "You and Nikolas never lost me. I've been with both of you the entire time.""But this can't be possible," Dawn choked out. "You were never born.""Your love for me gave me life for this moment in time…""But you're so big. Shouldn't you be smaller? A little girl? I d-don't understand." She knew there was something special about her from the moment she felt the young girl's touch. The possibility that the baby she had miscarried so many years ago now stood before her...talking to her...touching her... Dawn found it all so impossible to believe, but she couldn't help hoping for it to be true. 

"Yes," Mena softly encouraged, nodding her head. Her eyes sparkled brightly, willing her to believe. "It's true. In my world, there is no specific size for me or for any of us. I chose a form that would be easier for you to accept. Please tell me that you believe. I haven't much more time."

"No!" Dawn cried. Her hands closed over Mena's wrists. She held on tightly, making nearly impossible for Mena to pull away. "You are Philomena! You can't leave me now. There's so much I want to tell you... I need to hold you!"

Mena's eyes bordered with tears. "I wasn't supposed to reveal myself to you. I'm sorry, but I can't stay. I was only given a short time to come to you...to help you. Please, listen to me?"

Hot tears rolled down Dawn's cold cheeks. She relaxed her hold on Mena's wrists, but she couldn't let go of her. Not yet. "I'm listening."

With a tender smile, Mena spoke eagerly. "What happened to me wasn't your fault. I know you've heard this before, but it bears repeating. All things happen for a reason. Even miscarriages." 

Dawn choked back a sob, causing Mena to pause for a moment. Steadfast determination soon gleamed in Mena's eyes and she quickly broke the silence. "Remember that I am with you and Nikolas always. You don't have to hurt anymore. Just think on this night, okay?"

Dawn's eyes never strayed from Mena's as she slowly nodded. 

"Tell Tommy what happened. Tell why you were so afraid. He will understand. He's a good, strong man. He loves you very much and he won't hold your fear against you."

"Y-you know?" Dawn asked slowly with a slight frown.

Mena smiled. Her fingertips gently stroked Dawn's tearstained cheeks. "I'm with you always. I know. Trust me. He will understand."

The young girl's hands drifted from Dawn's face. Dawn felt the loss immediately and just barely won out over the urge to protest. She could barely lift her voice above a whisper. "You're leaving now?"

"Yes."

Dawn opened her arms to the child she had lost. Mena's arms wrapped around her with a powerful intensity. On the cold, dark Baltimore sidewalk, the two women held each other. The embrace was tight and fierce. It was an embrace that would have to last a lifetime. And, for both women, it did.

** 4 **

The small country road that led to the cottage was dark and lonely. Nikolas pushed the Jaguar forward through the slush as quickly as he dared. He was anxious to see Emily. He had so many things that he wanted to share with her. On the drive from the gas station, he was able to evaluate his actions and patterns. Tommy had been right. He and Dawn had sorely underestimated he and Emily. He would spend the rest of his life making it up to Emily. He could only hope that Dawn would realize her error and do the same.

After what seemed like an eternity, Nikolas came to the intersection that completely closed off their hideaway from the rest of the world. In the distance, the glare of headlights shone through the woods. Surprised to see another car coming from his home, he kept his eyes glued to the scene.

The sporty Silver Toyota Landcruiser paused at the intersection and blinked its lights once. Then, the hazard lights came on and the driver door opened. Emily stepped and without bothering to close the door, she ran to the coal black Jaguar.

"Emily!" Nikolas called as he slammed out of his car, "what are you doing?"

"I was coming to join you," she said as she reached him. "What are you doing here? I thought you'd be in Baltimore by now."

"I came back," Nikolas responded, stating the obvious. "I was wrong to leave like I did. Please, forgive me."

"I already have forgiven you," she said, cupping his face. Her thumb lightly brushed his cheekbone, reveling in the smoothness of his skin. "I hope that you can forgive me. I behaved like a child. I'm sorry."

In a flurry of motion, Nikolas crushed her to him. "I'm sorry, too. There's so much more that I need to say, but right now, I just want to hold you. Oh, Emily, never doubt that I love you. You mean the world to me."

"As do to me," she said, holding him close to her. "I'm glad that you came back, but Nikolas, we have to go back."

"What?" he asked, slowly releasing her so that he could look into her shining, brown eyes. "Why? I thought you wanted to spend Christmas here."

"Christmas is wherever you are," she whispered. Shame colored her expression and brought a faint blush to her cheeks. "Dawn called while you were gone. I was nasty to her. I said a few things that she really didn't deserve. I couldn't have a good Christmas unless I apologized to her face to face. Will you come with me?"

Pride caused Nikolas' chest to swell. He gave Emily a smile that nearly stopped her heart. "I'll go with you."

"I knew that you would," Emily said softly right before Nikolas claimed her lips in a kiss that rejuvenated her heart and their marriage.

~*~

__

Can we go back to the days when our love was strongCan you tell me how a perfect love goes wrongCan somebody tell me how to get things backThey way they use to beOh God give me a reasonI'm down on bended kneeI'll never walk again until you come back to meI'm down on bended knee

Tommy heard the harmonious voices as soon as he stepped inside the condo. He almost called out to Dawn, but his curiosity got the better of him. Instead, he quietly closed the front door, set his bag down and headed for the hallway.

As he neared their bedroom, he heard the soft soprano of Dawn's voice as she song the lyrics with heartfelt emotion.

__

Gonna swallow my prideSay I'm sorryStop pointing fingers the blame is on meI want a new lifeAnd I want it with youIf you feel the sameDon't ever let it goYou gotta believe in the spirit of loveIt can heal all thingsWe won't hurt anymoreNo I don't believe our love's terminalI'm down on my knees begging you pleaseCome home

Mesmerized by the scene awaiting him, Tommy stood in the bedroom's doorway. Dawn's almost completely packed suitcase rested on their bed. A few clothes were strewn about the room as if she packed in a rush. And in the center of the room, she stood. In her hands was a framed photograph of him. She held the frame tenderly as her voice lovingly serenaded his image. He didn't want to interrupt the moment, but as she continued to sing to his likeness, he became jealous. He wanted her to sing to him.

Stepping into the room, he softly cleared his throat. "I'm home."

The heavy lashes that shadowed her cheeks flew up. Surprised by his sudden appearance, she nearly dropped his photo. "Tommy." 

Her breathless voice and unmistakable sparkle in her eyes warmed Tommy all over. In one single movement, he shrugged out of his overcoat, dropped it on the floor and moved swiftly to stand before her. 

"Did you hear?" she said as she placed the frame on the dresser behind her. She took both of his hands. Tears brimmed her eyes as she stared into his dazzling emerald eyes. "I'm sorry for hurting you and pushing you away. I want a life and I want it with you. The spirit of love can heal all things. Baby, it can make the hurt go away."

"Dawn," he said gently, moving closer to her, "I knew that already."

"I had to learn it tonight," she admitted. Releasing his hands, she moved closer to him, wrapping her arms around his waist.

"I'm sorry for walking out like that-"

"Ssh," she softly interrupted. "You had to. I'm just happy that you came back."

Her soft laughter brought a smile to face. "I could never stay away from you. I love you."

She smiled. "I know."

The hands that he had placed on her waist dipped lower to rest on her hips. He pulled her closer to him and even air didn't separate their bodies. "Were you going somewhere?" he murmured against her ear.

"To Port Charles," she gasped as he closed his lips over her earlobe. "Mm...Tommy, I can't think when you do that."

"Good," he growled. He trailed kisses along her jaw line and neck. "You can think later."

She surrendered to the ministrations of his lips and gentle caresses for a few moments more. Then, grudgingly she leaned away from him. "There's something that I need to tell you."

"It can't wait?" he asked, pouting. She was finally in his arms again. Warm and soft and delicious. He didn't want to let her go. 

"No," she responded, shaking her head. She stepped out of his arms. Taking his hand, she led him to their bed. They sat down in the middle of the bed and she turned to face him. With her hands holding his again, she began to explain. "I've been unfair to you. I changed when we came back from Greece. I should have told you why, but I was afraid."

"What happened?" he asked, watching her with the eyes of a man who would move heaven and earth for her. "Did I do something? Because I wanted us to get married, too?"

Dawn shook her head. "After Nikolas and Emily's wedding, I was almost ready to set a date. When we came back here, I began to buy those bridal magazines. I didn't let you see them because I wanted it to be surprise. I was so ready... but then I missed a period."

Tommy held his breath as she became silent. He swallowed back his million questions and waited for her to continue. The only sign of his anxiety was how his fingers tightened on hers.

"I was concerned naturally, but shrugged it off. Then I missed another one and I became terrified-"

"Dawn," he said unable to remain quiet. "Were you pregnant?"

"I was terrified that I was."

"Why didn't you tell me?" he questioned. "You should have told me."

"I was too scared to even think it. I couldn't find the courage to tell you. I knew that I had to know for sure, but I was so afraid of taking the test. What if I were pregnant? The possibility of going through another pregnancy immobilized me. I should have shared my fears with you, but I didn't know how you'd react. Would you understand my fear? Would you be hurt that I was afraid to have your child? I couldn't talk about it because talking meant that I had to face the possibility, and I just wasn't strong enough for that."

"I would have understood," Tommy quietly told her. "I've always been extra cautious when it came to protecting you. I knew that you weren't ready, but I hoped that in time you would be. You should have trusted me."

She nodded in agreement. "I should have. I won't make that mistake again."

"So, I take it you weren't pregnant?" he asked.

"No, I wasn't," she said. "On the third week, my period came. By then, I was too shaken up to talk about it. And I was too scared to get close to you. I was afraid of what would happen the next time. Maybe I would be pregnant. Thoughts of the miscarriage were with me day and night and I couldn't think of anything else."

"And, you're okay now?" Tommy asked, looking at their linked hands for a moment before he raised his eyes to her. "You're not afraid of becoming pregnant?"

"I'm glad that you asked me that." She gave him a smile that would brighten his darkest hour. She slid from the bed to kneel before him. Their hands remained linked.

"What are you doing?" he asked, beginning to smile.

"I'm doing what the song says," she told him. "I'm down on bended knee. I wanna build a new life...Just you and me... I wanna be your wife. Tommy, I want us to raise a family. Thomas Hardy, Jr., will you marry me?"

"YES!" he shouted with joy. "Oh, yes," he whispered. Sliding from the bed, he joined her on the floor. His arms wrapped around her. She drew his face to hers in a renewed embrace, sealing their unity forevermore. 

** 5 **

The Cassadines stood before the Hardys' modest Christmas tree and raised their glasses for a toast. The clock would soon strike twelve and a New Year would begin. In a silent moment of reflection, each of them remembered the joyous week they had shared.

After driving through snow and then a light rainfall, Nikolas and Emily had arrived at the condo just as Tommy had been rushing out of the front door. In his haste, he paused just long enough to tell them that he needed a tux because he was getting married that night! 

Knowing how traumatic choosing a wedding tuxedo could be, Nikolas cheerfully volunteered to accompany his future brother-in-law. He gave his bride a kiss for encouragement and then the two men were gone.

Emily had drawn a long breath to calm her nerves and then went in search of Dawn. She found the woman in her bedroom, tearing through her closet in search of a dress. While assisting Dawn with the numerous tasks that befall every bride, Emily apologized for her behavior on the telephone. Dawn responded with apologies of her own. They reached an understanding and formed a friendship.

Later, before a dazed minister, a roaring fireplace, and a glittering Christmas tree, Dawn and Tommy promised to love one another in sickness and in health, for better or worse, forsaking all others until death do they part. Nikolas and Emily stood hand in hand, happy to bear witness to the union.

Now a week later, they all stood together again. Nikolas and Emily were hand in hand as were Dawn and Tommy. Smiles were on their faces as they waited for Nikolas' speech.

"This has been the most enlightening Christmas of my life. I have a new wife and now another brother. My sister's eyes are finally shining with complete joy, and I can honestly say that I feel the same. May this New Year continue to bring even more happiness into our lives."

Their glasses clinked as the clocked ticked down to the final ten seconds of the year. With delighted cheers, bubbling champagne and tender kisses, they met the New Year. 

As the year passed, it proved to be everything Nikolas had wished for and more. The two couples couldn't have been happier. Out of sight but always nearby, Philomena shared in their joy and their love.


End file.
